Here's a joke...

        The Oreo Joke

Every 2nd Lieutenant acquires embarrassing memories when he wears gold
bars;  it seems to come with the job.

The first time the USAF sent me on temp duty by myself, I
experienced probably the most embarrassing moment in my
life, which I tell here in hopes that other butter bars out
there won't make the same mistake.  I was traveling from
Wright-Patterson AFB OH to Vandenberg AFB CA one spring, and
the flight scheduled me for a two-hour layover in the St.
Louis MO airport.

I decided to hit the snack bar and bought a cup of coffee, a
package of Oreos and a newspaper.  After giving the cashier
the nine bucks or so that these items cost, I scanned the
crowded sitting area for a place to relax.  The lounge was
crowded, but there appeared to be a spot across from a
fellow in a military uniform of some sort.  "Great!" I
thought, another soldier.  Maybe he can tell me about life
in the forces....

With my coffee on the right side of the table, my newspaper
on the left and my oreos in the center, I sat down before I
took my first close look at the man opposite me.  He was a
Marine corps brigadier general - a mean looking man with no
hair, an honest-to-God scar on his forehead and about six
rows of ribbons, including the Silver Star with a cluster.
To me, the general had horns, fangs, a pitchfork and a long
pointed tail as well.

I was already committed to using the table, but not wanting
to bother the general, I meekly squeaked out, "Good morning,

sir," before sitting down. I had begun the paper's crossword
puzzle and was making good progress when I heard a peculiar
rustling sound, much like the crinkling of cellophane.

I looked up out of the corner of my eye to discover that the
general had reached across the center of the table, opened
the package of Oreos, taken out one and was eating it.

Now, not having attended the Air Force Academy, I was not
familiar with how to deal with the finer points of military
etiquette, such as what to do when a senior member of
another service calmly rips off one of your cookies. Several
responses came to mind, but none of these seemed entirely
appropriate.

I realized that the honor of the Air Force was, in a small
way, at stake here. I certainly couldn't let the general
think I was a complete weenie. Besides, at airport prices,
one oreo is a significant fraction of take home pay for a
second lieutenant.  The only response I could make was to
reach across the center of the table, open the opposite end
of the package (trying not to notice that the other end had
mysteriously come open somehow), extract an Oreo and eat it
very, very thoroughly.

"There," I thought, "I've subtly shown the general that
these are my  Oreos, and he should go buy his own."

Marines are known for many qualities, but subtlety is not
among them.  The general calmly reached out for another Oreo
and ate it.  (By the way, the general was licking the
middles out first before eating the cookies.)  Not having
said anything the first time, of course, I couldn't bring it
up now. The only thing to do was to take another cookie for
myself.  We wound up alternating through the entire package.
For an instant our eyes met, and there was palpable tension
in the air, but neither of us said a word.

After I had finished the last Oreo, they announced something
over the public address system.  The general got up, put his
papers back into his briefcase, picked up the now empty
wrapper, threw it away, brushed the few crumbs neatly off
the table and left.  I sat there marveling at his gall and
feeling very foolish.

A few minutes later, they announced my flight.

I felt a great deal more foolish when I finished my coffee,
threw the cup away and lifted my newspaper to reveal....my
Oreos!

Today, two of us are running around the Armed Forces telling
the same story, but only one of us has the punch line.  And
General, if you are reading this, get in touch with me and I
will be glad to send you a case of Oreos.